“You have never truly lived until you’ve done something for
someone who can never repay you,” is a quote that some attribute to Mother
Theresa and some to John Bunyan. Regardless of who’s given credit for it, on
Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) it carries a little more meaning for me
personally than others. Growing up, my dad and I never shared many mutual
interests outside of our love for athletics. My brother on the other hand, who
loved to get up early and put the boat in for a long day of fishing, sit in a
tree stand for hours on end waiting for a trophy whitetail, or walk seemingly
endless fields of CRP in search of upland game always had interests he could
share with my Dad.
I think having one son with a disinterest for hunting,
fishing, and watching the outdoor life network on loop always bothered Dad a
bit. Not because he wanted either of us to be exactly like him, but because he
felt missing that father/son connection that comes so naturally through shared
passions meant that he, in some way, was missing something. I decided to write
this today, for my dad (and all dads) as a tribute to all of the important life
lessons he taught me that I can never repay him for, and a reminder that he, in
his pursuit of being an extraordinary parent and role model, missed
nothing.
(Side note: in his defense, I vomited almost every time I
got on a boat between the ages of 10 and 16 so he was up against a stacked
deck.)
These are 5 lessons my Dad taught me that I am forever
grateful for and will carry with me for a lifetime.
1.
Hard work always pays.
My dad is an entrepreneur. He’s been a
general contractor for over 40 years and I can’t think of one day in my almost
30 years of knowing him, that he took a day off because he didn’t feel like
working. He never complained. He just got up when his alarm went off, put his
boots on, and went about his business. He always told me that no matter what my
life endeavors were, I should never let anyone outwork me and I should never
complain about having to work. He taught me to be grateful for the opportunity
to work, because some people don’t have the freedom to work for the things they
want. Because of my dad and the example he set I have a passion for hard work.
I have a passion to out-work everyone around me and I am forever grateful for
that. Hard work doesn’t always pay concretely, but at the end of every day
being able to put my head on a pillow knowing I gave that day everything I
could is enough payment for me, and I learned that from Dad.
2.
If you want something done, do it yourself.
My mom is one of the most career
driven women I know. When she decided to quit her job and go back to school to
earn her Master’s Degree in Nurse Anesthesia, my Dad responded how he always
responded: He made a plan and worked through it. Because of competitive acceptance
rates my mother had to further her education out of state. With only one income
in the family we sold our current home and move into a smaller more
accommodating home for my Dad, brother, and I. I tell this story because not
only did my Dad facilitate and manage getting my mother settled into her new
apartment out of state, he handled a majority of the moving duties into our new
home by himself. I’ll never forget when he told my brother and I how our new family
laundry system was going to work. After a 5-minute tutorial on how to load and
operate the washing machine and dryer he said, “With your mom at school, if you
want your laundry done… do it yourself.” I was like 12. At the time I thought
it was egregious, but now understand how powerful of a lesson that was. I know
now as an adult that if I want something to get done I should first try and do
it myself. This has undoubtedly made me a better employer. I try to never ask
anything of my employees that I won’t do myself, and I learned that from Dad.
3.
Anything worth doing is worth doing
right.
I remember finally being old enough
to go to work with my dad. I was probably 11 or 12 when he first paid me to
walk around building sites, pick up scraps, and throw them in the dumpster. At
the time, I didn’t know that the $5.00/hour rate he paid me was below minimum
wage (11 year olds aren’t particularly well educated on union organization).
All I was really focused on was that 5 x 10 = 50, and the new 2K basketball
video game was $50.00. Therefore, 10 hours of picking up garbage earned me
hours of happiness in front of my DreamCast. As I got older I was given more
responsibility at my dad’s job sites. I didn’t work much for him, but I
remember that when I did I would get incredibly frustrated with his attention
to detail. Everything had to be measured and lined up within the 1/16 of an
inch. Boards had to be handed to him with the crown up, not down, and so on and
so forth. Just thinking about putting a level up to a deck railing and the
bubble not being exactly where it should be makes me nauseous as an adult. My
dad would start a project and work on it for hours only to find an error and
start all over in order to make it right. He was always more focused on the
quality of his work than he was the quantity of work. He used to say things
like “Your reputation is everything,” and “It doesn’t matter how much money you
make if you can’t be proud of your work.” These are lessons I will never
forget, and I learned them from my Dad.
4.
Never apologize for being yourself.
“To thine own self be true.” -Shakespeare
My dad didn’t verbally push this lesson and
he’s definitely never read Shakespeare, but he taught it to my brother and I
whether he meant to or not. My brother and I are what I would describe as “Type
A” individuals. We decide we like something, and dive head first into it. A big
part of our acquisition of this trait is assuredly from genetic disposition as
my mother is exactly the same way. In a bit of a piggy back from lesson #3, my
parents always taught us that so long as it didn’t affect others negatively, we
should pursue what we enjoy whole-heartedly and unapologetically. Dad has never
allowed anything or anyone (and he’s been through a lot) to hold him down or
keep him from being a great person and a better father. He has given my brother
and I everything we could possibly ask for to be happy and successful in this
life by simply allowing us to be comfortable with ourselves and our passions.
This is a lesson that has led to me being misunderstood by some, but has better
allowed me to form meaningful, lasting relationships with likeminded
individuals. Having those meaningful, life long bonds is incredibly more valuable
to me and I learned that from my Dad.
5.
Put others first.
I saved this lesson for last, because if
there is a life lesson that my Dad personifies more than any other, it is this.
His entire life has been dedicated to doing things for others. I’ve always told
people that if you needed $100.00 and he had $99.00 he would give you the
$99.00 and sell the shirt off his back to get the other $1.00. He truly is cut
from a different cloth than most. He has persevered through so many adversities
that would crush most other individuals. Through it all he has managed to
remain the most selfless individual I know. If there is one lesson I hope to
carry with me for my entire life it is that the willingness to put your own
problems on the back burner in order to help someone else through their own is the
ultimate sacrifice one can give in this life. My Dad has sacrificed so much of
his own time and energy to ensure my brother and I could have everything we
possibly needed and because of that I am humbled and overwhelmingly proud.
I’ve always told the young people that I work with that if
end up being half the man that my dad is it would be my life’s greatest accomplishment.
I am sure that it’s a feat I will assuredly fall short of reaching, but it will
not keep me from trying as I know that is what will make him most proud. I feel
as if every parent, no matter how old, yearns for reinforcement that they have done
the right things by their children. I am not a parent (unless dogs count), but
I know that there is no manual or road map available for you guys. It is a
constant “wake up every day and figure it out as you go” endeavor. Because of
that I felt compelled to write this on this Father’s Day for my Dad and for ALL
OF THE DADS out there that are doing the very best they can. At the end of the
day, that’s all you can do, Life will inevitably get in the way of your plans
and stumbling your way through it is the rule, not the exception.
To my dad, I love you and even though you still can’t get me
to go fishing, know that the life lessons you’ve taught me mean more to me than
being a proficient angler ever will. To you and the rest of dads out there
killing it, Happy Father’s Day. Sons and daughters, give your dad a hug today
and tell them you love them, they deserve it.
As always, thank you for reading.
Caleb Heilman
