Coaching, teaching, and learning are three of my favorite
things in the world. I do my best to coach, teach, and learn as much as I
possibly can and as efficiently as I possibly can every single day. I have a
lot of discussions with other coaches, teachers, and learners. I love to read
books written by other coaches, teachers, and learners. And I periodically surf
the web to seek out quality information shared by other coaches, teachers, and
learners. Over the years I’ve become incredibly passionate about the
intercorrelation of these three fields, and I’m starting to recognize a pattern.
In all three fields, the term entitlement has become increasingly popular.
(Hell, I even wrote a blog about it back in 2014 that you
can read here: http://calebjheilman.blogspot.com/2014/04/my-take-on-entitlement-in-youth-athletes.html).
I’m not trying to backpedal. I agree that we’re still
failing to instill a mindset that breeds success and enjoyment in a number of
our young students/athletes/coaches.
I do think we’re getting a little carried away, though. My dad
(who is still the wisest man I know) taught me that there are two sides to
every coin and I think Mark Twain said it best:
“Whenever you find
yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
As I said, we’re still missing the boat with a select few,
but labeling every young athlete or coach that is passionate about creating
positive change as “entitled” is irresponsible and, often times, completely off
the mark. Anyone who disagrees with you or questions your methods as a coach or
teacher is obviously way too big for their britches, right? This train of
thought is becoming an epidemic.
There are a few things that I think we have right, and a few
that I think we need to change our perspective on. I, as a young
coach/teacher/learner, have been on both sides of the coin. I’m hoping this
blog can give some insight to people as to which side they might find
themselves on and help them understand what it’s like to be on the other side.
As coaches/teachers/employers, I think we can all agree:
1.
There are
still a number of coaches/athletes/students who believe they deserve success, and that is a problem.
Undoubtedly every coach/teacher has dealt
with athletes/students that want things handed to them. I’m no behavior expert,
but I would imagine this is because they grew up having things handed to them
(duh). So lets just stop handing things to people, ok? Ok. This brings me to my
next point.
2.
“Entitled”
athletes/students/coaches are products of their environment.
I’ve never parented a child, so I’m not
going to pretend I know anything about it. From the outside looking in,
however, it seems that youngsters that are forced to work through adversity
growing up tend to live much more fulfilling lives as adults. Making young
people handle small responsibilities like doing their own laundry, scheduling
and rescheduling their own appointments, and wiping their own asses (which
should probably come first) can set them up to be successful and self-sufficient
adults. Sometimes as a coach/teacher you need to remind yourself that you can’t
always out-coach/teach bad parenting, and it’s not always the youngster’s
fault. A kid rarely recognizes when his/her parents are doing too much to make
life easy on them. It’s our job as coaches/teachers to help remove their
blinders and allow them to realize self sufficiency is a very fulfilling
personality trait to acquire.
Now that we’ve established:
Yes, some people don’t want to and don’t think they have to
work for their success in this world.
Yes, some young coaches, athletes, and students are
overconfident in their knowledge base and their skill set.
Here’s some food for thought (I’ve always wanted to say
that):
1.
Entitlement
might get a bad rap
I’ve almost always used or heard the term used in a negative connotation,
but what if we looked at it from a different perspective? What if entitled is something we want
our young students/athletes/professionals to be? Carol Dweck first presented
this idea to me in her book Mindset.
As coaches, teachers, and learners we need to understand that we’re entitled to
our own opinions, we’re entitled to disagree with something we read or discuss,
and we’re entitled to challenge long-standing rules and ideas. People who have
put their time in and earned everything they have are entitled to pride and
self-confidence, and it’s ridiculously selfish to try and take that away from
them. The greatest organizations in the world make their “employees” feel more
like “team members” and allow them to present their opinions in a constructive
manner without feeling out of rank. They’re entitled to those opinions and as a
leader you should want them to speak out. Allowing this openness and honesty
might save your ass some day.
2.
Once
we have power, we suck at self-reflection.
I
firmly believe that systems of hierarchy are necessary in any organization. I
also believe that there is an unwritten code of conduct concerning respectful
disagreement between different tiers of that hierarchy. But to consider certain
ideas less valuable because they came from someone with less power in the
organization can quickly earn you that “ass hole” label. There are a lot of young,
passionate, hard working people out there in their respective fields and a lot
of them have great ideas. There are few things sadder than seeing a young
teacher or coach losing motivation to spread their passion, because they know
their speech is falling on deaf ears. Making them feel like over-confident
prima donnas for challenging long-standing ideas is surely counterproductive. If
you have power in your respective organization, listen to the people around
you, understand your system will ALWAYS
HAVE FLAWS in some way or another, and be willing to evolve. Labeling
others as defectors or haters because they disagree with you is easy, but
self-reflection and consequent action is the road less travelled that pays big
dividends in the end.
3.
Congratulating
people has become all too common.
I
don’t want to sound ungrateful, but when I first opened my business, everyone
was quick to congratulate me. What for? I had some strength and conditioning
equipment in a garage and about $50,000 of debt. I had accomplished nothing.
Starting a business is not difficult; it is not worthy of high praise. I’m so
very appreciative of the support, but I just think we get carried away with
congratulations. It makes people feel accomplished before they’ve really
accomplished anything significant (when I opened my gym, Facebook would have
you guessing I made Forbes Top 100). A newly wed couple requires one person to
ask a question and the other to give an answer, that’s it. With divorce rates
where they’re at; maybe wishing them luck would make more sense than
congratulating them. If they make it to the 20-year mark, by all means,
congrats, you’ve certainly accomplished something many fail to do. Next time
somebody posts about getting a new job, buying a new house, or taking on a new
life venture, we should wish him or her luck. Call me Scrooge, but I feel like
all the congratulations we hand out breeds complacency.
4.
Our
complacency problem is just as bad as our entitlement problem.
For every young coach/athlete/student out there that thinks they deserve
success, there is a coach/teacher that is entirely too comfortable with their
own. All we ever hear about, as coaches/teachers, is that there are too many
young ones who think they know everything. It’s rare to find an article discussing
those who have held a position for years, are stuck in their ways, and are
passing out the entitlement label to all those who oppose them. As a leader of
any organization, if you aren’t constantly assessing and reassessing your work
ethic and acquisition of new information you’re probably too comfortable. And
eventually you’re going to have some young passionate “subordinate” pushing for
your responsibilities. Making them feel like they’re a pushy know it all is
selfish and lazy. Allowing them to light a fire under your ass and rediscover
your youthful exuberance for growth takes real character. I know a lot of young
people out there who want to grow, learn, and create change the right way. They
have great ideas and are extremely intelligent people. Discouraging them from
pushing the envelope is irresponsible and it’s happening all too often. Foster
growth in your organization. If one of your team members surpasses you, so
what? Cut them loose and wish them luck. Be happy for them.
5.
You
don’t have to be disliked to be a good leader
The
popular article circulating now is one written by a baseball coach out of
Denison University, a Division III program in Ohio. Though I don’t know the
reason for the article, it seems as if it was supposed to be a reality check to
his assistant coaches and others around the country. It was basically a fair
warning to all those who seek a head coaching position. I agree with a number
of points in Coach Deegan’s article, but got an eerie feeling that he was
trying to send a message to someone. He notes in the blog that you need to be
prepared to be disliked and that you will have defectors who have access to a
fraction of the information you have access to. He’s undoubtedly correct in his
statement, but I think it might send the wrong message. I think it’s extremely
important to understand that you can’t please everyone and no matter how hard
you try; some people just won’t see the good in you. But to operate under the
idea that you don’t have to care if anyone likes you has to be one of the most
unfulfilling ways to lead. I think the greatest leaders in the world are the
most beloved leaders. The kind of people who will give the shirt off their back
for their people and, in turn, receive the same loyalty. It’s great to have success,
but if you have nobody to share it with, what’s the point? The best leaders,
when misunderstood, seek understanding, they don’t just assume the person
doesn’t “get it”.
I understand that I am in a unique position. I am a small
business owner who is still very young in the realms of
coaching/teaching/learning. At Heilman’s Performance, I have no boss. I have
nobody to tell me what to do, and that can be incredibly liberating, but
incredibly intimidating at the same time. I don’t have someone guiding me
through this process, telling me what I’m doing wrong and where I’m getting
things right. I work hard to gather as much information as possible, but am
truly learning as I go. I rely heavily on my team members and people around me
to provide valuable feedback on our program. When people stop telling me I’m
doing things poorly, I know I have problem.
I am the leader of my organization and the primary decision
maker. At the local university, however, I am an assistant coach. I think being
young and passionate for change and growth, and holding both these positions
allows me to see both sides of the coin, if you will. I’m hoping this blog helps
share my perspective. We need to come to grips with the fact that every young
coach/student/athlete that wants to make things happen is not a pushy know it
all. Every coach/teacher with a long-standing position or tenure is not in a
state of complacency, but both situations do exist. Without openness and honesty
from those around us, self-reflection, and consequent action, we might be in
that situation and not even realize it.
I think we can all do a better job of seeking to understand those
we teach, coach, or manage. Before you get upset about someone challenging your
ideas, self reflect. Try and get a better idea of what their goals and
aspirations are as an athlete or young professional and ask yourself, “Am I
working as hard as they are?” and “Am I keeping an open mind?” Once you have a
better idea of where they stand, you might be better able to make quality decisions.
It’s ok to be comfortable with your current position, but let’s not discourage
those who are not.
Thanks for reading.
Caleb Heilman
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